Learning to Be a Man


#3 – Family Man, Family Leader

December 1, 2003


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Last month, I mentioned the upcoming book by Phil Lancaster, Family Man, Family Leader.  I received my copy last week, and have been reading it every chance I get.   I have been greatly encouraged to find that many of the topics we covered at the Father/Son weekend at Haycock, are covered with greater detail in this book.  I have also been greatly challenged by what I've been reading.  The biblical principles brought out in this book will change my life.  They show me my need for repentance and forgiveness.  And by God's grace, I will be a better family leader as a result.

Mr. Lancaster has graciously permitted me to send you all the following annotated Table of Contents.   This may be one book you will want to make sure is on your Christmas list! 






Chapter 1        “Is Revival on the Way?”

God defines revival as men turning their hearts toward their families and toward God’s word. The Christian men’s movement and the home education movement are encouraging signs that such a revival is in process, but the jury is still out. Because we live in times of great decline in our families and in our whole society the opportunity is all the greater. What is needed is a return to biblical patriarchy: Christian men assuming the role of leadership in their homes first, and then throughout the society.

 Chapter 2        “Whatever Happened to Families?”

Over the last 200 years our culture has moved from being family-friendly to family-fragmenting. The effects of industrialism have removed fathers, and then everyone else, from the home, and thus caused a breakdown in relationships among family members. Families have been further damaged by the ideology of feminism which attacks God’s order for the home as well as by “responsibility drift” wherein the government takes over more and more family functions. Sadly the church has accommodated itself to these changes rather than helping families survive the challenges to their welfare.

 Chapter 3        “The Man Is Responsible”

There is an order of authority that exists in the Godhead and ties God to his creation. His order for human life is that the man is the leader of the woman and of his family. This is amply demonstrated in the creation account and is reinforced in the New Testament. Male passivity is the root of much evil and must be counteracted through alertness, initiative, courage, vision, and responsibility.

 Chapter 4        “Getting to Know God the Father”

A key to the renewal of biblical manhood is for men to get to know God the Father. He is the model of masculinity, the arch-Patriarch, and he provides a pattern for manhood: He is the leader, the provider, and the protector of his creation and especially of his redeemed people. This pattern is seen from Genesis to Revelation, and we look at Psalm 23 and the Lord’s Prayer as illustrations.

 Chapter 5        “Manhood Under the Cross”

Manhood is further revealed in Jesus Christ, the Ideal Man. Jesus demonstrates that true leadership is self-sacrificing servant-leadership, and he calls men to the same. Godly men are humble servants, not self-willed tyrants, and they need to know how to submit to God, to other men, and even to their wives and children. Fathers must be both masters and servants.

 Chapter 6        “Turning Hearts Toward Home”

Fathers and families play a central role in God’s plan to spread the kingdom of Christ over the earth. To be effective for God, fathers must be family-centered, but in a different way than their wives. For a father to turn his heart toward his children he must give them godly training and maintain a loving relationship with them. When this happens good fruit results, fruit that lasts through the generations.

Chapter 7        “A Father is a King: Leader, Provider, Protector”

Modern people seem embarrassed that men are given the authority to be the leaders of their families, but a father is the lord and master of his home. He is also a steward of God, which defines and limits his authority. As a leader a father must take the initiative in the home, serving as both a policy maker and a hands-on manager. He also bears the responsibility to provide for and protect the members of his household. Spiritual protection is especially important given the multitude of threats to families.

Chapter 8        “A Father is a Prophet: Teacher & Enforcer”

Parents are the God-appointed teachers of children. God’s goal for education is that children know, love, and obey Jesus Christ. The best method of education is a discipleship relationship because this is the way to reach the heart. The works and word of God should be the content of instruction. When instruction fails to achieve the desired effect in children, fathers have a duty to demand compliance with godly standards and enforce obedience with the rod. If we follow God’s plan for raising our children they will be “taught by the Lord.”

 Chapter 9        “A Father is a Priest: Worship Leader & Intercessor”

Although every Christian is a priest, a father is the priest of his home in a special sense. As such, he has a duty to provide a hedge of protection for his family through prayer. This is not magic; it is his special privilege as the family head. He also has a duty to lead his household in regular times of family worship. He should enlist his family’s support in this endeavor and follow a simple plan. In all his conduct toward his family a father should be characterized by the sympathy which Jesus as priest shows to his people.

 Chapter 10      “A Wife: To Love & to Honor”

Men are called to love and honor women. A husband should honor his wife as his partner in life. He should protect her since her role, her biology, and her duties make her vulnerable. He should nurture her with the word of God. A wife takes dominion in the world through being a competent helper to her husband; the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is an illustration of this. A woman has different strengths than a man, and a good husband will understand and appreciate the strengths of his wife.

 Chapter 11      “Fatherhood Beyond the Home”

Because deep cultural change works from the lesser to the greater institutions, renewed families will shape a renewed society. The broader society should reflect the patterns God established for the home, including male leadership and female followership. A godly society will be characterized by good manners which reflect an honor for each person and his or her place in God’s social structure. Our goal should be to get wives out of the workplace and back home so that family functions can be restored to the home. Just as renewed families will shape church and civil government, so church and state should make it a priority to encourage patriarchal family renewal.

 Chapter 12      “Taking Old Paths into the Future”

Men must get beyond revivalism and sentimentality. Biblical revival begins with faith and issues in obedience. Christian fathers must believe what God says about manhood and fatherhood, and they must actually begin to make concrete changes in family life based on biblical commands and principles. They must develop a long-term vision that spans many generations, but they must be content to be faithful first in their own homes.

 Appendix A   “Patriarchy: A Good Word for a Hopeful Trend”

Though perhaps a jarring term in an egalitarian culture, “patriarchy” is a good word to use to describe the biblical teaching on family and social order for these reasons: (1) It points men to God the Father as the archetype for their renewal; (2) It suggests a call to personal holiness; (3) It communicates the biblical pattern of male leadership; (4) It implies the foundational significance of family government; (5) It recalls historical periods characterized by divine blessing; (6) It constitutes a direct challenge to feminism; (7) It stimulates a multi-generational vision in men. Patriarchy is not the most important thing in life, but when it is lost one of the foundations of culture is destroyed. Christians should seek a return to biblical patriarchy since it is the path to family and social blessing.

 Appendix B   “Living in the Open: The Importance of Accountability in a Man’s Life” (optional)

Christian men need other men to hold them accountable for their spiritual progress since a lack of self-discipline afflicts most men in one way or another. Men need both official accountability to the leaders of their local church and informal brotherly accountability with other Christian men. This brotherly accountability can be provided through a men’s discipleship group, but the most important thing is to have one man as an accountability partner. A “Spiritual Discipline Commitment” can be a powerful tool to encourage growth and enable accountability for progress.


Family Man, Family Leader by Philip Lancaster


Written by the editor of Patriarch Magazine, this book is slated to arrive from the printers this month.  The second chapter entitled, “Whatever Happened to Families?” was published in Patriarch Magazine several months ago.  It is one of the best articles I’ve read.  Phil has graciously allowed me to post it on my website for any of you to read or download.  You can find it at: www.PeaceHillFarm.com/LearningToBeAMan/WhateverHappenedToFamilies.pdf



I don't know if I'll get another e-mail out before Christmas.  Between getting ready for Christmas, and wanting to finish reading Family Man, Family Leader, it may be next month before I get a chance to share some of the many resources available to help us teach our families God’s Word.  If so, I pray you may have a blessed Christmas with your families.


May God be glorified as we learn together to be Family Men, Family Leaders.


Your fellow learner,

Terry Carnes





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